Part One: You Only Have Ten Seconds to Show You’re a Somebody

The incredible, inescapable, unique essence of you — nine tricks for making a powerful first impression through body language alone.

Trick 1: The Flooding Smile

Don’t flash an instant smile the moment you see someone. Pause, look at their face, soak in their persona, then let a big warm smile flood over your face. The slight delay makes your smile feel personal and genuine rather than a generic reflex aimed at anyone.

Trick 2: Sticky Eyes

Keep your eyes glued to your conversation partner’s even after they’ve finished speaking, and when you must look away, do it slowly and reluctantly. This extended, warm eye contact signals deep interest and makes people feel truly seen.

Trick 3: Epoxy Eyes

When in a group conversation, keep your gaze on the person you want to impact rather than the person who is speaking. This technique signals intense interest in their reactions and can be powerfully disorienting — and flattering — to the target.

Trick 4: Hang by Your Teeth

Visualize biting an iron-jaw bar hanging from every doorframe, which pulls your body into perfect upright posture. Great posture radiates confidence and signals that you are someone accustomed to being on top.

Trick 5: The Big-Baby Pivot

When introduced to someone new, give them the full-body turn, warm smile, and undivided attention you’d give an adorable toddler who crawled up to your feet. This instant, wholehearted focus makes the other person feel like the most important individual in the room.

Trick 6: Hello Old Friend

When meeting someone, imagine they are a long-lost friend you’re delighted to see again. This mental trick naturally warms your body language, softens your eyes, and makes the other person feel an instant connection with you.

Trick 7: Limit the Fidget

In important conversations, resist every urge to scratch, fidget, squirm, or touch your face. Fidgeting signals discomfort or dishonesty, while stillness projects credibility and confidence.

Trick 8: Hans’s Horse Sense

While talking, keep a keen eye on your listener’s body language and reactions, the way Clever Hans the horse read subtle cues from his audience. Tune into the silent channel so you can adjust your message in real time based on how it’s landing.

Trick 9: Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene

Before entering any social or professional situation, mentally rehearse being the confident, poised person you want to be. Visualize your posture, smile, eye contact, and conversation so your body performs on autopilot when the moment arrives.

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Part Two: What Do I Say After I Say “Hello”?

Small talk, your verbal welcome mat — fourteen tricks for mastering the art of conversation.

Trick 10: Make a Mood Match

Before speaking, take a quick read of your listener’s emotional state and energy level, then match your tone and demeanor to theirs. Starting on the same wavelength builds instant rapport and makes people feel understood before you say a single substantive word.

Trick 11: Prosaic with Passion

Don’t worry about finding the perfect opening line — almost anything you say is fine as long as you deliver it with warmth, energy, and genuine enthusiasm. Eighty percent of a first impression comes from your demeanor, not your words.

Trick 12: Always Wear a Whatzit

Wear or carry something unusual — a distinctive pin, hat, or accessory — to any gathering so that curious strangers have a built-in excuse to approach you and start a conversation.

Trick 13: Whoozat?

When you spot someone you want to meet, ask the host or party giver to introduce you, or pump them for a few facts about the person you can use as an icebreaker. This is the most effective and least-used meeting-people device available.

Trick 14: Eavesdrop In

If there’s no Whatzit to comment on and no host to make an introduction, stand near the group you want to join, listen for any topic you can latch onto, and jump in with “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear…” It’s a perfectly acceptable way to break into a circle.

Trick 15: Never the Naked City

When someone asks where you’re from, never give a bare one-word answer. Add an interesting fact, a colorful detail, or a hook about your city that gives your conversation partner something to respond to and keeps the dialogue alive.

Trick 16: Never the Naked Job

When asked what you do, don’t just state your job title. Flesh it out with a brief, listener-relevant story or detail so the other person can relate to your work and has something to grab onto conversationally.

Trick 17: Never the Naked Introduction

When introducing two people, always add a tidbit about each person — an interest, an accomplishment, a connection — so they have immediate conversational fuel instead of standing there awkwardly with nothing but names.

Trick 18: Be a Word Detective

Listen carefully to every word your conversation partner says for clues about what they really want to talk about. When a hint of a preferred topic slips out, seize on it like a detective following a lead.

Trick 19: The Swivelling Spotlight

Imagine a spotlight between you and the person you’ve just met, and keep it shining on them. Let them talk about themselves, ask questions, and show genuine fascination — they’ll walk away thinking you’re the best conversationalist they’ve ever met.

Trick 20: Parroting

When you’re stuck for something to say, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner said in a questioning tone. This puts the ball back in their court, keeps them talking, and buys you time while showing you’re listening.

Trick 21: Encore!

When you’re in a group, ask a friend to retell a great story you’ve already heard by saying “Tell them about the time you…” It makes your friend feel like a star performer getting a curtain call and revives any flagging conversation.

Trick 22: Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive

When first meeting someone, keep your skeletons in the closet and save confessions of personal failures for later in the relationship. Early on, people don’t have enough context to put your foibles in perspective and may judge you prematurely.

Trick 23: The Latest News… Don’t Leave Home Without It

Before heading to any social event, scan the news so you have fresh, topical conversation material at the ready. Current events are universally accessible fodder that works with any crowd.

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Part Three: How to Talk Like the Big Boys ‘n’ Girls

Welcome to the human jungle — fourteen tricks for sounding confident, polished, and big-league.

Trick 24: What Do You Do — NOT!

Avoid asking the blunt question “What do you do?” because it can feel like a judgment or make people uncomfortable. Instead, let their occupation come up naturally, which signals that you value them as a person, not just a job title.

Trick 25: The Nutshell Resume

Prepare multiple brief versions of your professional story tailored to different audiences, just as a savvy job seeker customizes each resume. Before answering “What do you do?”, consider what aspect of your work would most interest this particular listener.

Trick 26: Your Personal Thesaurus

Replace a few dozen common, overused words in your everyday vocabulary with richer, more vivid alternatives. Just fifty well-chosen word upgrades can make you sound significantly more creative, intelligent, and polished.

Trick 27: Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”

When you discover a shared interest with someone, resist the urge to blurt it out immediately. Let them talk about it first, then reveal your connection later — the delayed reveal carries far more impact and makes you seem confident rather than eager.

Trick 28: Comm-YOU-nication

Start sentences with “you” instead of “I” whenever possible. It immediately grabs attention, pushes the listener’s pride button, and saves them from having to mentally translate your statement into how it affects them.

Trick 29: The Exclusive Smile

Don’t give everyone the same generic smile — it cheapens the currency. Give each person you meet a distinct smile that feels crafted just for them, signaling that you see something uniquely special in that individual.

Trick 30: Don’t Touch a Cliche with a Ten-Foot Pole

Avoid using tired cliches in conversation with successful people. Trite phrases signal a lack of imagination and originality; instead, find fresh ways to express common sentiments so you come across as a creative, sharp thinker.

Trick 31: Use Jawsmith’s Jive

Learn public speaking techniques — dramatic gestures, varied tone, effective pauses, powerful phrases — and put that polish into your everyday conversation. Collect and memorize vivid similes and quotations so you always have a powerful phrase ready for any occasion.

Trick 32: Call a Spade a Spade

Avoid hiding behind euphemisms; confident communicators use direct, precise language. Say “rich” instead of “wealthy,” speak plainly — directness signals you are comfortable and self-assured.

Trick 33: Trash the Teasing

Never make jokes at someone else’s expense, even if they seem harmless or funny. What feels like innocent teasing to you can wound the target and mark you as small-time in the eyes of influential people.

Trick 34: It’s the Receiver’s Ball

When delivering news, match your emotional tone to how the receiver will feel, not how you feel about it. Deliver bad news with sympathy and good news with enthusiasm, always keeping the listener’s reaction in mind.

Trick 35: The Broken Record

When someone pushes you with unwelcome questions, simply repeat your original answer in exactly the same words and tone. The repetition signals you will not be pressured into revealing more, and persistent questioners will eventually give up.

Trick 36: Big Shots Don’t Slobber

When meeting a celebrity or VIP, stay cool — don’t gush or fawn. Briefly tell them what pleasure their work has given you, keep it short, and let them decide whether to extend the conversation.

Trick 37: Never the Naked Thank You

Always follow “thank you” with a specific reason: “Thank you for coming,” “Thank you for waiting,” “Thank you for being so understanding.” A dressed-up thank you feels sincere and memorable, while a bare “thanks” barely registers.

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Part Four: How to Be an Insider in Any Crowd

What are they all talking about? — six tricks for fitting in with any group.

Trick 38: Scramble Therapy

Once a month, try an activity completely outside your usual routine — go bowling, attend a chess lecture, try kayaking. Even a single exposure gives you enough insider vocabulary and experience to hold a conversation with enthusiasts of that activity for life.

Trick 39: Learn a Little Gobbledygook

Before mingling with people from an unfamiliar profession, learn the two or three opening questions insiders ask each other. Using the right insider question as your opening serve signals you are informed and worth talking to.

Trick 40: Baring Their Hot Button

Before attending an event with people from a specific industry, call someone in that field and ask what the current hot-button issues are. Bringing up these burning concerns in conversation makes you sound like a knowledgeable insider.

Trick 41: Read Their Rags

Regularly read newspaper sections and trade magazines outside your usual interests to build conversational range. Using insider terminology from someone’s field instantly earns respect and deeper engagement.

Trick 42: Clear Customs

Before doing business internationally, study the local customs around greetings, business cards, gift-giving, dress, and physical contact. A single cultural gaffe can torpedo an entire relationship.

Trick 43: Bluffing for Bargains

When negotiating or buying, learn enough insider lingo of the seller’s trade so they treat you as a peer rather than a naive outsider. Vendors routinely give better prices and service to people who sound like they know the industry.

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Part Five: Why, We’re Just Alike!

We’re like peas in a pod — seven tricks for building instant rapport through similarity.

Trick 44: Be a Copycat

Mirror the movement style, pace, and energy of the person you are speaking with. Whether they move in small, refined gestures or big, expansive ones, matching their physical style creates subliminal comfort and rapport.

Trick 45: Echoing

Listen for the specific words your conversation partner uses and echo them back rather than substituting your own synonyms. Hearing their own words from your mouth creates a powerful feeling of being on the same wavelength.

Trick 46: Potent Imaging

Tailor your analogies and metaphors to your listener’s world — use gardening imagery with a gardener, sailing terms with a boater, sports references that match their sport. Analogies drawn from someone’s own experience hit far harder than generic ones.

Trick 47: Employ Empathizers

Replace unconscious “uh huh” and “umm” grunts with full-sentence empathizers like “I see what you mean” or “That’s a really smart move.” Complete empathetic responses show you are truly listening and encourage the speaker to keep sharing.

Trick 48: Anatomically Correct Empathizers

Pay attention to whether someone speaks in visual (“I see”), auditory (“I hear you”), or kinesthetic (“I feel”) terms, then match your empathetic responses to their dominant sense. This subliminal alignment makes them feel deeply understood.

Trick 49: The Premature We

Use “we,” “us,” and “our” early in conversation with someone new to create an instant sense of intimacy and partnership. Skipping past cliches and facts to feelings and we-statements fast-tracks the feeling that you are already connected.

Trick 50: Instant History

When you meet someone new, find a shared moment from your first encounter — a laugh, a funny incident, a mutual observation — and turn it into a private reference you can use in future conversations. This “instant history” makes a new acquaintance feel like an old friend.

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Part Six: The Power of Praise, the Folly of Flattery

Praise reappraised — nine tricks for giving compliments that actually land.

Trick 51: Grapevine Glory

Instead of complimenting someone directly, praise them to a mutual friend who will pass it along. A compliment overheard through the grapevine is far more believable and impactful than one delivered face to face.

Trick 52: Carrier Pigeon Kudos

Whenever you hear someone say something nice about another person, carry that compliment to the person who was praised. Everyone loves the bearer of good news, and you build goodwill with both sides.

Trick 53: Implied Magnificence

Weave assumptions of positive qualities into your conversation casually — ask a stranger for fine dining recommendations (implying refined taste) or reference someone’s expertise as if it is obvious. The implied compliment feels natural and sincere.

Trick 54: Accidental Adulation

Slip your compliment into a subordinate clause rather than making it your main point: “Because you’re so knowledgeable in contract law, you would have caught that.” The praise feels unintentional and therefore more genuine.

Trick 55: The Killer Compliment

Identify one specific, personal, and unique quality in a new acquaintance — beautiful hands, a warm laugh, an air of calm confidence — and tell them. A highly specific compliment is far more memorable and powerful than generic praise.

Trick 56: Little Strokes

Sprinkle short, casual words of appreciation into daily interactions: “Nice job!” “Well done!” “You’re the best.” People crave recognition for everyday efforts, and small verbal strokes keep relationships warm.

Trick 57: The Knee-Jerk “Wow!”

Praise someone immediately — within seconds — after they finish a performance, presentation, or accomplishment. The instant reaction matters far more in the euphoric post-achievement moment than a thoughtful compliment delivered ten minutes later.

Trick 58: Boomeranging

When you receive a compliment, don’t deflect or mumble “thanks.” Instead, let the good feeling boomerang back to the giver: “How kind of you to say that!” or “That means so much coming from you.”

Trick 59: The Tombstone Game

Ask someone close to you what they would want engraved on their tombstone — the quality they are most proud of. Remember their answer, then weeks later, weave that exact quality into a sincere compliment. It will be the most meaningful praise they have ever received.

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Part Seven: Direct Dial Their Hearts

How to be a hit in another show — eleven tricks for telephone and voicemail mastery.

Trick 60: Talking Gestures

On the phone, you lose all body language, so you must convert your smiles, nods, and expressions into words. Say “I love it!” instead of just smiling, say “That’s amazing!” instead of just nodding, and use the listener’s name more to substitute for eye contact.

Trick 61: Name Shower

Use people’s names far more often on the phone than you would in person. Hearing their own name recaptures the attention and intimacy that the lack of physical presence takes away.

Trick 62: “Oh Wow, It’s You!”

Don’t smile before you answer the phone — answer professionally and neutrally. Then, when you hear who is calling, let a big warm smile flood into your voice, making the caller feel that they specifically are the one who brightens your day.

Trick 63: The Sneaky Screen

If you must screen calls, have your staff first say enthusiastically “Oh yes, I’ll put you right through. May I tell her who’s calling?” If the person is unavailable, the caller never feels rejected because the initial response was so welcoming.

Trick 64: Salute the Spouse

Always identify and warmly greet whoever answers the phone — whether it’s a VIP’s spouse at home or their secretary at the office. These gatekeepers often have significant influence over the VIP’s opinion of you.

Trick 65: What Color Is Your Time?

Always ask if it’s a good time to talk before launching into your phone conversation. The red/yellow/green system works well: red means “I’m rushed,” yellow means “be quick,” green means “let’s talk.”

Trick 66: Constantly Changing Outgoing Message

Your outgoing voicemail message reflects your professionalism. Change it regularly to sound current and on top of things, keep it short and friendly, and let callers know when you’ll return.

Trick 67: Your Ten-Second Audition

Treat every voicemail you leave as a brief audition — make it confident, clear, and credible. Include a “cliff-hanger” that gives the person a compelling reason to call you back.

Trick 68: The Ho-Hum Caper

When calling past a secretary, use the pronoun “he” or “she” instead of the person’s formal name. Saying “Hi, is she in?” with a casual, business-as-usual tone signals familiarity and makes gatekeepers assume you’re an insider.

Trick 69: “I Hear Your Other Line”

Whenever you hear background noises during a phone call — another phone ringing, a dog barking — stop speaking immediately and ask if they need to attend to it. They’ll appreciate your sensitivity to what’s happening in their world.

Trick 70: Instant Replay

Record your important business phone conversations (legally and ethically) so you can listen to them again. On replay you’ll catch subtleties, details, and nuances you completely missed the first time.

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Part Eight: How to Work a Party Like a Politician Works a Room

The politician’s six-point party checklist — seven tricks for networking at events.

Trick 71: Munching or Mingling

Never hold food or drink at a party if your goal is to network. People subconsciously avoid approaching someone who is eating, and holding objects creates a physical barrier — eat before you arrive so your hands are free for handshakes.

Trick 72: Rubberneck the Room

When you arrive at a gathering, pause dramatically in the doorway and slowly survey the entire room before entering. This gives you a moment to take in the scene while projecting the confident “stage presence” of someone who owns the room.

Trick 73: Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee

Don’t wait passively for interesting people to approach you at events. Actively choose who you want to talk to by studying faces and body language, then take the initiative to approach them.

Trick 74: Come-Hither Hands

Arrange your body in an open position at gatherings — arms uncrossed, palms and wrists visible. Open palms signal acceptance and approachability, while crossed arms subconsciously repel people.

Trick 75: Tracking

Remember and later reference the small personal details that people share with you — their hobbies, recent trips, kids’ milestones. Bringing up these details in your next interaction makes people feel like a star whose life events matter to you.

Trick 76: The Business Card Dossier

Immediately after talking to someone at an event, flip their business card over and jot down personal details from your conversation. Reference these notes in your next communication to create a memorable personal connection.

Trick 77: Eyeball Selling

Watch your listener’s body language more closely than you listen to their words. Their head angle, hand gestures, and fidgeting reveal whether they’re interested, bored, or uncomfortable — adjust what you’re saying in real time.

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Part Nine: Little Tricks of Big Winners

The most treacherous glass ceiling of all — fifteen tricks for navigating the unspoken rules of social success.

Trick 78: See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers

When colleagues or contacts make minor blunders — spilling coffee, dropping something, tripping — simply ignore it and continue as if nothing happened. Gracefully overlooking small mishaps projects the confidence and poise of a true professional.

Trick 79: Lend a Helping Tongue

When someone’s story or joke gets interrupted by a distraction, be the one who brings the group back by saying “Please, get back to your story.” Rescuing someone’s interrupted narrative earns deep gratitude and marks you as an exceptionally attentive communicator.

Trick 80: Bare the Buried WIIFM

When asking for something or proposing anything, lay both sides openly on the table — what’s in it for you and what’s in it for them. Hiding your self-interest makes people suspicious, while transparency about mutual benefit builds trust.

Trick 81: Let ‘Em Savour the Favour

When someone agrees to do you a favor, wait at least twenty-four hours before acting on it. Jumping on it immediately makes you look overanxious and robs the generous person of the pleasure of feeling beneficent.

Trick 82: Tit for (Wait… Wait) Tat

When you do someone a favor and they clearly owe you one, don’t rush to cash in the return favor. Let them enjoy the pleasant fiction that you acted purely out of friendship — calling in the debt too quickly tarnishes the exchange.

Trick 83: Parties Are for Pratter

Never bring up serious business, complaints, or controversial topics at social gatherings. Parties are a safe haven for light conversation, and raising substantive issues in that setting will be silently held against you.

Trick 84: Dinner’s for Dining

The dining table is a sacred safe haven where Big Winners never raise unpleasant business matters. It’s fine to brainstorm and share positive ideas over a meal, but disagreements and tough negotiations must be saved for the conference table.

Trick 85: Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat

If you run into someone you’re trying to do business with in a casual setting, never bring up business. Keep the conversation light and social — your restraint will earn respect and almost certainly get your business call returned the next day.

Trick 86: Empty Their Tanks

When someone has something emotional to say, let them finish completely before you respond or ask for facts. People cannot absorb your ideas until they’ve fully drained their own thoughts and feelings.

Trick 87: Echo the EMO

When dealing with someone in an emotional situation, empathize with their feelings before seeking facts. Acknowledge their emotions with phrases that show you understand how they feel — this calms their emotional storm and makes them far more cooperative.

Trick 88: My Goof, Your Gain

When you make a mistake that affects someone, don’t just fix it — make sure the person ends up better off than before your error. Go above and beyond so they’re actually delighted you messed up, turning your blunder into a relationship-strengthening opportunity.

Trick 89: Leave an Escape Hatch

Even when you catch someone red-handed in wrongdoing, leave them a graceful way out rather than publicly confronting them. Letting people save face shows supreme confidence and class.

Trick 90: Buttercups for Their Boss

When someone gives you great service, write a complimentary letter to their supervisor praising them by name. This virtually guarantees exceptional treatment going forward and creates lasting loyalty at zero cost.

Trick 91: Lead the Listeners

Be the first person to applaud, nod, or vocally support a speaker after their presentation. Responding first signals leadership confidence, and the speaker will always remember who led the positive response.

Trick 92: The Great Scorecard in the Sky

Every relationship has an invisible scorecard tracking who has done more for whom. The person with less leverage should show appropriate deference — offer to meet at the other’s office, pick up the tab, respect their time. Ignoring this unspoken tally disqualifies you from playing in the big leagues.